


Haunting

by Zon_Chan



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Peter, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Protective May Parker (Spider-Man), Protective Tony Stark, Self-Hatred, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-03 10:01:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zon_Chan/pseuds/Zon_Chan
Summary: 'It's all his fault. Everything. The bad. Ben's death. The reason why his parents left. Why May's stressed. Why Mr. Stark is annoyed with him all the time. His fault.' Peter thinks. The teen looked around the bathroom and saw the razor. And a yell sounded through the apartment building.





	Haunting

The only way that described Peter right now was death. It was the most accurate description. Peter wondered if this was how people felt when they finally crashed. When everything good about living became bad. And when getting up in the mornings was a chore. Honestly, these thoughts scared the teenager. But not the way breathing did.

Breathing was being alive. And knowing you're alive when you feel that your not. That's so much worst.

 Peter wasn't sure for certain when he had begun to feel like this. But he didn't know a time when the weight of his shoulders seemed heavier than yesterday, and the day before. He never knew what pure happiness was. He barely remembered why his mother looked like. How her voice sounded when she would sing him to sleep. Peter felt guilty. He felt inadequate. 

Perhaps, the teen thought, it did start on that rainy day when his mother kissed him goodbye and his father patted his head. That was the last time he saw them. Maybe if he spoke out. Told or pleaded or begged for them to stay. Maybe they would have listened.

Then those kids from middle school and elementary wouldn't make fun of the kid with no parents. Maybe Peter could've had more friends. Less heartbreak. More time to just enjoy being a kid. Peter wonders when he grew up. After all, age doesn't tell your experience.

From outside of his bedroom door Peter could hear May say goodbye. And that Mr. Stark would be by later to pick him up. The teen didn't have the energy to respond. 

Peter hopes May realizes that he doesn't mean to be difficult. It's just like not talking is so much easier than expressing yourself. And being there for others than yourself is faster. Peter hopes May realizes that he just wants to be seven again. Where May had less worry wrinkles around her eyes. And when Ben was alive.

Holding Ben's dying body in his arms also trigger something in him. It also put a strain on his and May's relationship. For the longest time, they didn't know how to live together without Ben. Didn't know how to function. How to go on without that part of their lives. 

Peter often dreams of dead people.

It was around noon when Peter felt hungry. The teen wiggled against his blankets but didn't move from his spot. If he eats, then he'll eat. And May will have to buy more food. Take on more shifts. And he already took enough of her time. Peter felt his eyes tear up in frustration. 

He was just having a bad day. That's all. He'll be fine by the time Tony comes.

So Peter fell asleep again. He's been more tired lately. Sleep is the only time where Peter didn't have to worry about anything. Nothing mattered in his dreams. But ever since a building fell atop of him, his dreams became nightmares too.

_Feeling powerless underneath the concert walls. Feeling useless because he couldn't move. Spiderman stoled Captain America shield! Spiderman can lift a building! But when Peter looked into the water he was staring at himself._

_His real self. Without the suit. Without Spiderman. Spiderman is a hero. But Peter? Peter is just a kid. Tony said so. Peter is nothing without Spiderman. Maybe that's why he hanged onto it so much. Even in death._

_Pete wanted to laugh in pain. He was ready for death. So the teenager closed his eyes and waited. Until he heard Toomes talking. He's going to rob Mr. Stark. And so Peter pulled every muscle. Every breath and will and finally, finally got the building off of him._

**_"If you can't live for yourself. Live for others." -Unknown_ **

Peter woke up in a daze. His head hurt and his vision was blurry. His chest was closing in. Breathing was hard. His hands wouldn't stop shaking. And his pillow was wet with tears. Peter rolled out of bed and landed hard on the ground.

The teen held in a whimper of pain and struggled to his feet. Something was wrong with him. Why couldn't he think clearly? Peter ran into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. His reflection in the mirror was horrible. His eyes bloodshot, his fave looked fallen.

Peter Parker looked broken.

Feeling dizzy Peter slumped to the ground and pressed himself closed against the wall. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arm around himself. Gently rocking his body back and forth. Trying to get a grip on himself. During is whole time Peter's sobs stayed quiet. 

He knew better than to bother people with his petty problems.

And that's when his thoughts came crashing all around him. Never letting up.

It's all his fault. Everything. The bad. Ben's death. The reason why his parents left. Why May's stressed. Why Mr. Stark is annoyed with him all the time. His fault. Peter thinks. Tony Stark wouldn't care for a kid like him. Tony only stuck around because he needed someone to fight with him. 

Nothing was real about the friendship they had. Just business. Peter really wished he couldn't feel. Or maybe he could feel something else. The teen looked around the bathroom and saw the razor. Maybe, maybe this would help.

And a yell sounded through the apartment building.

When Tony first knocked on the apartment door and didn't get an answer. The man just thought Peter had overslept from staying out on patrol last night. Tony shrugged and reached into his pocket to pull out the spare key, May had entrusted him with.

Then a loud thump filled Tony's ears. And Tony slowly unlocked the door with a worried expression. Was Peter okay? Stepping into the apartment Tony noticed three things. One was that a cold plate of eggs and bacon was sitting on the table. Not touched. And it was almost one in the afternoon.

The second was Peter's bedroom door was open and a bundle of blankets was left on the floor. But the kids' pillow looked wet. And the third was, the bathroom door was closed. But Tony could hear soft sobs coming from behind the door.

"Peter?" Tony yelled out speed walking towards to bathroom. Tony knocked once then twice, then was surprised to find that the door wasn't locked.

And the sight that greeted Tony was heartbreaking. Blood had seeped through the small cuts Peter gave himself on his fingers. The boy's face was wet with tears and red heavy eyes held his face. Peter looked at Tony in shock. Like he didn't expect the man to show up.

Tony carefully and slowly made his way to Peter. He crouched down and tattered the hurting boy into his arms. Peter struggled and pounded his fists against Tony's chest. But Tony just held onto the teenager tighter.

Eventually, Peter clung to the man and started sobbing into Tony's chest. The words out of the boy's mouth broke Tony's heart. Peter just a fifteen-year-old asking for death. Asking to be fixed and saved. Peter, a kid barely in high school, wishing for another life. 

Tony felt helpless. He couldn't do anything for the voices in Peter's head stop. He didn't have that power. But oh, how he wished he did. To take away Peter's demons. To erase the harmful thoughts from the young teen's mind. To do anything to make him happy.

Peter gripped onto Tony's shirt like a lifeline. Sobs shook through the teenager, Tony pulled Peter in closer and hugged the boy to his chest. They sat there on the bathroom floor holding onto each other tightly. As if the other would disappear if they didn't.

Tony's shirt was starting to get soaked, but the man pressed a kiss to Peter's head and rocked them back and forth. They stayed like that for hours. Peter desperately trying to latch onto Tony, and Tony holding Peter's head. They breathed each other in like oxygen. Tony terrified of what would've happened if he wasn't there. Peter trying to make sense of the situation. 

Peter's sobs subsided, and hiccups filled their place. Tony held the boy more firmer while rubbing gentle circles on the kids back. Tony himself felt like crying. How long has he felt like this? Tony wondered, looking at Peter's cut up fingers. What could have his mind thought up for him to do this to himself?

 "Let's get you cleaned up."Tony's voice sounded. Peter numbly nodded his head and let himself get pulled to his feet by Tony Stark. For now, the voices had left Peter alone. And the teenager was afraid to be felt alone. 

Tony was gentle with cleaning Peter's fingers up. The billionaire wrapped the cuts in bandages and watched Peter's expression after. To make sure the kid was still calm. Tony was at a loss, was he doing the right thing?

"Let's get some food in you." Tony told Peter, guiding him to the kitchen. Tony sat Peter down on the couch and wrapped him in a blanket. The man made his way towards the kitchen and wasn't really surprised with how little there was. But, Tony could make middles from a box.

While cooking Tony kept an eye on the kid. Making sure he was still okay. That he was still there. No one ever gave him the suicide talk. How was he supposed to talk to the teenager about what happened? Tony is frankly surprised that he wasn't freaking out on the outside too.

 When the food was done, Tony place the pasta in a big bowl and gave it to Peter. "Eat." Tony ordered, sitting next to the teen. Peter looked hesitated but quickly ate the bowl of pasta. Like he's been starving for so long. Tony tried not to think about it. 

Tony took the bowl from Peter and laid the boys head against him. "Get some sleep." The man said. Tony knew how drained the teen must be. And Peter didn't say anything. But the evened out breathes told, Tony that Peter fell asleep.

Tony knew he would have to talk about this with Peter. Knew they would Have to get May involved. The man knew there would be tears, and yelling. But he could only hope Peter would talk to someone about his problems. And would want to get better. 

Because you can't help someone who doesn't want it. And Tony wants Peter to be safe. Always. No matter the cost. The talk would have to come. Especially when Tony hears the front door being opened. He could only hope, Peter would get enough sleep beforehand. And that May would be understanding. 

For Peter's sake.


End file.
